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There is a slow progression in the process of realizing the main cause of some spousal behaviors. First you feel that something is odd, because you have some feelings of hurt that don’t correspond with the objective situation…you are happily married, and then some response from your spouse makes the whole perception shake, and you are not so sure who you are.

One person at the end of her rope described this constant passive aggression as a situation where she would receive either punishment or love, in a sequence without any logic.

Mental torture followed by a bit of love then disappointment then promises and apologies then heartache again, in an endless roller coaster. She never was sure of his affection and began doubting herself.

Was she the cause of this treatment?

Perhaps if she loved more, if she could be more patient…things would be more stable?
There is no need to blame yourself. As long as she is showing her vulnerability and her unsolved needs to him, she is giving him sole control over the couple’s power.
There is no way of changing a passive aggressive person when he can manipulate his marriage to fit his own style of communication, regardless of her needs.

What is the right way of dealing with this personality?

What we need to understand is that a passive aggressive personality has been many years in the making, and is part of the very core of this person’s ability to relate. It is NOT a response to her behavior; it’s his “normal response” to everything that happens in his world, his marriage included…
Without entering into the psychological elements of what makes this person behave in such a defensive way, what is important to see is that this is a way of being, structurally organized, and nobody can change it from the outside.
Only the person who has learned to react in this way can realize the damage it causes to any relationship and make a plan to modify his own responses.
The only role a wife can have is to be a witness, and let him know what is the impact of his behavior on people around him, and on the relationships he says he needs. By denouncing as hurtful some of his responses, she is helping him recognize how inappropriate his answers are…and then hope that her words will motivate him to do otherwise.

Need more support and information?

Visit Passive Aggressive Husband

How to deal with a Passive Aggressive Husband is a post from: Positive Conflicts Blog

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Are you wondering why you are afraid of your husband? Do you feel that your fear is irrational? Are you in an unhealthy relationship? You are in an unhealthy relationship once your husband is trying to change your life forcefully. Most women do not have the courage to admit they are in an unhealthy relationship because they constantly remind themselves that their husbands are kind and loving.

Abused women fear their husbands and their actions are always based on their husbands’ commands. They seek their husbands’ opinion first before making even small decisions. Most women tend to act illogically just to please their husbands. Some women, after marriage, tend to keep themselves away from their friends and relatives. Most women who are abuse have low self-confidence, and have an inability to decide for themselves. You are having an unhealthy realtonship with your husband when you are experiencing this.

You might think that you have a need to exert an effort in order to gain respect from your husband when you are in this situation. However, things only worsen every time you try to make a solution for your unhealthy relationship.  You and your husband’s personality differences cause more pain and fear, than you had expected. If you are a fun and dynamic person then you are not expected to be in an unhealthy relationship.

There is one question you need to ask yourself. Breaking free in this bondage is hard so you must have courage to do so? It is really heard to implement your ideas to your husband if he has a different one. It is sometimes hard to save unhealthy relationship. It would always end up into break up. You should tolerate situations like this because it stops you from your own happiness.

You’ll never know what your husband is capable of until he does it to you. You’ll never know when it gets worse and it might even be too late for you to recover. If you still hope and tolerate it, the higher the risk of death. This happens whenever there is physical abuse in a relationship. It will be easier for you to quit a relationship if it is already complicated. Breaking up is really a hard thing to do when you try to insist staying in an unhealthy relationship. It is a now or never situation.

Try to look at the brighter side. If you decide to break up it will help you pursue your dreams. You are saving yourself from the worse thing that can happen. Eventually you will find yourself trapped in an unhealthy relationship and it will be harder for you to decide.

The process of breaking up is not easy but it can heal with time. You must have enough courage to do this. You can ask some relatives or close friends to guide you while you heal your wounds. There will be some people who can help you with your problem. In order for you to cope with your bad situation, it is necessary that you seek a professional help.

How to Get Out of an Unhealthy Relationship is a post from: Positive Conflicts Blog

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Some people have become dependent on horoscopes, predictions and interpretations of relationship. They base their decisions on the results of the relationship horoscopes.

Horoscopes can tell you about the compatibility between you and your partner. It shows you only the good things about your future. You might regret the decision that you make if you easily believe on it. This makes it hard for you to get out from it.

Nowadays, relationship horoscopes can be read through the use of internet. More people have become dependent on them, mostly women who easily believe on it. Some people consult on relationship horoscopes first before breaking up or marrying someone. Some people look onto relationship horoscopes to find out if they are compatible with someone.

What you do not know about relationship horoscopes is that it is sometimes being run or generated through a program. The essence of the prediction is eliminated if other factors that affect the relationship are not considered.  Some relationship horoscopes only require the birth date of you and your partner.Other people do have the same prediction as yours if you only have that information.

Would you agree that the compatibility of two people is only based on their birth dates? Two people can be compatible even without depending on relationshp horoscopes.The question is that are you really willing to trust horoscopes in this case? Sometimes relationship horoscopes seem real, you still have to be careful on them.Satisfying your desire and fantasy is what relationship horoscopes do.

Relationship horoscopes are supposed to be used for fun and entertainment.They can sometimes help you in making your decisions.Your primary decision should also be based on a professional consultant.Though it can be true in some aspect, relationship horoscopes is not always applicable to every couple.This is why it is not advisable to make any serious decisions out of relationship horoscopes.

If you have a difficulty in making a decision, you can seek professional help to save your relationship problems. You should gather more information to weigh things out.

Relationship horoscopes would not assure that you make the right decisions on your situation. It is also rational to weigh your decisions before making one. Relationship horoscopes are fun and exciting but it is not healthy to get addicted to it. Especially when you depend your decisions on it.

by songallery

How Much You Should Believe In Relationship Horoscopes is a post from: Positive Conflicts Blog

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At some point you get tired of the daily insults you and your husband throw on each other. Soon, either of you decides to end the relationship. Marriage life is not always a happy ending. There will always be fights due to differences in the attitude or personality and selfishness or lack of affection from each other. Love stories in the movies are usually the opposite in reality.

Women lack courage to defend themselves and fight back that is why they are prone to physical and emotional abuse.  Due to your physical and emotional weakness, your husband will take this opportunity to make you feel less confident about yourself to keep you forever by his side.He will ruin your dreams so he can keep you as a prisoner.Women nowadays have become victims of emotional abuse.

Women are too afraid to seek relationship help are prone to more abuse. The fear of getting abandoned by their husbands or getting beat up again is what hinders them. Seeking relationship help is practically done with the help of a close friend or a family.When you really get angry that is the time you will have a courage to seek relationship help.

You must put in mind that you have nothing to do with this and it is not entirely your fault. You should not feel like you are to be blamed by your husband’s faults and actions. He must realize that he should make his own decisions and be responsible of his own making.Though you may be one of the reasons for his anger, it is not right that he’ll blame everything on you.  Seeking relationship help now will help you determine if the relationship can still be saved or not.If you see willingness in your husbands part to seek relationship help then your relationship has high chances of survival.

There should be a space between you and your partner. You should give time to yourselves to be with other people. It becomes unhealthy when the two revolve around the same world. You must try to balance your life. If your partner is trying to stop you from what you like to do that makes you happy, then that should be the time that you seek relationship help professionally.

There is still hope in your marriage if you seek professional help. You should not tolerate this kind of situation because it will just worsen the situation.The insults get more and more painful.If you decide to seek relatonship help, it will help you and your husband bridge the gap between the two of you.

If you wait for the abuse to get serious then it must be too late for you to seek relationship help. Women should know when to stop or else they will end up miserable and devastated in their lives. Try to seek relationship help as soon as possible. Encourage your husband as well so the two of you become a better couple.

by lolilpopmika

Seeking Relationship Help and Fixing Up Your Marriage is a post from: Positive Conflicts Blog

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by Make Studio | Marty Coleman

Have you ever thought about getting a divorce because you think it’s the only option left for you? Divorce is common and more children have become parentless or wind up with only one parent. It becomes a common thing when couple gets tired and choose to leave each other.
Divorce should not be the only option to be considered to save you from a dying relationship.

A lot of people think of divorce in a different way. They use divorce as an option for simple misunderstanding, arguments or fights. What they do not realize is that divorce is only practical for an unhealthy relationship where the husband abuses his wife emotionally and physically. Since some states in the U.S. allow divorce for irreconcilable difference, more people took this opportunity to divorce their partner without thinking logically and just find new partner. As a result, the process is repeated and another divorce is made.

It is wise for you and your husband to have relationship counseling before resulting to divorce. If you are still willing to fix the marriage, relationship counseling is a great option. Some people do this for their children sake. As a married woman, your decision should not only be based on your personal opinion but your children’s opinions.

Relationship counseling is very important especially if you have a child. Children at a young age can be affected with the divorce. They need both their parent for guidance and to teach them lessons and values in life. If the parents are not there to support the children, they will be prone to drugs, violence and early marriage.

Divorce is not allowed just like that. There are judges that really suggest that a couple should go through relationship counseling to patch things up. On the other hand, if the couples are not willing to cooperate with the relationship counseling, it only implies that the relationship cannot be saved anymore and they will have to agree on something for the welfare of their children.

Divorce happen sometimes because a person can be immature. Before choosing this life you have to weigh things and think a thousand times. Remember being alone is hard and lonely. Ask yourself questions like: What happens to my children? What will happen to their future and their dreams? Would I really be happy after getting a divorce?

Relationship Counseling should be worth your time and effort. It will change everything in your life. Ask your family or friends about your decisions and their opinion about relationship counseling so you will have more option.
If you are not ready to take things in a professional manner or if you are not at all comfortable with this kind of set up, you can always talk to a stranger about your marriage dilemmas or go online and look for sites or e-books in the virtual world.
A professional psychiatrist who specialized in this field does relationship counseling but there are also many counseling and relationship advices in the online world and you can even interact on it. You can find some websites that specializes in relationship counseling and they also sell books at a reasonable price.

Relationship Counseling: Surviving Your Marriage is a post from: Positive Conflicts Blog

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by ?blackluckwinter ?

As your partner control your life, your self-esteem and confidence level decreases gradually and the relationship problems magnify. At first, you react on his insults and assaults. However, every time you do so, your husband turns into a monster and the relationship problems worsen.

Another thing is that you become afraid to tell your friends and family about your situation. The truth is that they are the only ones that you can rely to and you try to push the important people in your life. When you push them too far you will realize you will be alone in dealing with your problems. Now you are spending your life in dark ages with your partner who has totally become a different person.

It is typical to have this kind of situation in a married couple. You and your partner have personality differences and there would always be adjustments. It is a crazy idea to trap women in the house and limit them to child-bearing and household chores. Most women suffer just to make sure they please their man. What happens is when they found out that there is nothing they could do to please their man, problems arise and it could go worse in time.

Hence, the best and most logical solution for your relationship problems is not to please him always, rather to assert yourself in your relationship. Do not spoil your husband or get him used to your submissiveness. Pleasing your husband only makes him feel more powerful. You are allowing him to have power over you. Your relationship problems would not end unless you have courage to say you had enough. The longer you wait for your husband to change for the better, the longer you will be at risk to emotional abuse.

Assertiveness comes out if you try to separate your emotions to the reality. Do not allow your partner to take advantage of your love for him. You got to be courageous to fight for your will so you can be yourself and live your life as you want it. If your partner loves you truthfully he will just either reject or accept you.

Learn more about relationship problems from this video:

Assertiveness: The Way to Solve Relationship Problems? is a post from: Positive Conflicts Blog

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by Grace Compass Church

In my own opinion, experiences of emotional abuse should not be a hindrance to our own happiness. This should not be the reason for the continuous pain in our lives. If there are bad things that happen to us, it does not mean that we should be miserable in our entire lives. There is always a reason why things happen and that makes us stronger, wiser and better individuals.

There would be instances that you associate your happiness with your childhood. There are times that you are trying to seek replication of your happiness especially if you were not able to achieve such happiness in your childhood. For example women would seek a father figure in every man they can find… and in the long run, they would realize it is not really something that can make them happy or it is not the person they want to be with.

It is important that you respect and care of yourself first then things just go smooth and easy. If your cup is filled, then it simply means that you are capable of giving your love unconditionally. If this happens, it should really make you happy in life and you begin to think of your life plans easily and willingly.

What is important for you has to be important for any partner you can select: don’t accept that your spouse rejects or ignores an important part of you. It is tantamount to rejecting a piece of you, so don’t agree of dumping the things that you like or the things that makes you happy just to make get your partner’s approval.

Some women fall for only a piece of what they ideally see as their potential partner. There are things that are being ignored like the values that she wants from a guy. Sometimes it also happens that their own happiness is compromised when they are not appreciated and valued by their partner.

We need to remember that no matter what emotional abuse we have experienced in our lives, we always need to accept and love. We are responsible for a life that is ours. It is a pity thing to see women tend to accept the pain of an abusive relationship and go on with their lives unhappy and unfulfilled.

When we rediscover ourselves, we can grow, become independent and mature in our lives and in the relationships that we are in. We can consider that emotional abuse is a warning for us to consider which kind of relationship we need and deserve.

It is time to move on and be happy once and for all. Discover your life purpose and make it happen.

This video shows warning signs that your are in an abusive relationship:

Finding Happiness Regardless of Any Emotional Abuse is a post from: Positive Conflicts Blog

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by LunaDiRimmel

There are those people who had relationships with a great person who turned out to be different in the end. Some keep holding on to an image of the past and raised so many questions and find it hard to get through. In the end it’s always good to hear what other folks have to say about it and help you in recovering from hurt feelings.
One break-up causes hurt feelings and devastation. Healing is not an overnight process. Either to continue or end the suffering.

Men really make it easier to recover than women. Well, what happens to most women is that they spend much of their mental energy into their feelings, that is why.

It is not easy to let go of some things that we have come to love. It is painful to think that some good moments has to end. I think some good things just do not last and what we can do is to move on. It takes time to do this. It is necessary to grieve…Everybody has been there. But it is not the place you want to be for the rest of your life.

Here are some ways in recovering from hurt feelings :

Time heals all wounds. It is necessary to grieve as it is a part of the healing process.

-You must allow yourself to go through all the stages of grieving. whether you like it or not but you will see yourself in disbelief, depression, bargaining, resolve and anger.
- It is helpful to express anger. It is a positive force. Through this, you will be able to realize your self-worth and self-esteem.
- It helps if you go out with your friends. They can provide you with attention and love. Drink but not too much.
- The fastest way to recover is to find way to stop thinking about the other person. It will lead you to revenge and you might do this to other people or to your next relationship.
- It is important to forgive yourself and forgive the person who has hurt you. You deserve to be free and be healed. By doing so you will have a peace of mind and it will help you recover fast.
- Keep busy. The last thing you want to do is to stay in your room and recall all the memories youv’e had with your ex. It will just become even more painful.
- Avoid jumping into another relationship. This is not helpful. Things will just repeat all over again.
- Think of what were you before they came into your life and your goals as well. Move on and learn from your past.

All these can help you in recovering from hurt feelings. Just enjoy and live life to the fullest.

Easiest Ways to Recovering from Hurt Feelings is a post from: Positive Conflicts Blog

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by Le Nat

It is inevitable in a relationship to have ups and downs. Fights and arguments in a relationship makes it more exciting. But not all of these situations lead to a successful relationship. It can also destroy a solid foundation.

To have a better relationship, one must have relationship skills. First is to understand oneself. It is crucial to really know who we are and what we are capable of doing. This is a challenging task but one really has to solve whatever problem arises in his relationship. Knowing oneself, allows one to make good choices. This can also be a gradual process since it involves also bravery- to face oneself.

Identifying one’s feelings is another relationship skill. Emotions like anger, sadness, happiness can confuse you.You know that you’re feeling something. It is important to control your emotions or it will control you. Knowing how you’re feeling on a deeper level is important so you can stay with your feelings. This ability to “own” your thoughts and feelings will help you combat evil thoughts.

In addition, managing anger and conflict makes things easier. Problems get easly solved in a constructive way if it is expressed in a right amount. Problem-solving becomes easier if criticism is hadled very well.

Some relationships can be competitive rather than collaborative. Relationships are not meant that way. It will just create conflict and result to insecurities. Comparison in a relationship is not a good thing. This will always lead to a low self-esteem and self – worth. If this happens, the other person would feel less and can be destructive to his self.

One of the relationship skills that is important to learn is identifying and overcoming barriers to trust. Trust is important in a relationship. Some people do not understand its value. Trust disappears so easily in our lives. Trust gives strength to our relationships and gives us inner happiness. Life becomes brighter and brighter if we incorporate trust in our relationship. It also gives us a positive mentality and it is easier for us to handle situations. This works in some long distance relationships. With this virtue, there is a sense of deep bonding.

Communication is as important as trust. Responding and having the ability to understand another’s feelings and words will strengthen the relationship. Communication makes things easier to clarify.

Relationship Skills for True Happiness is a post from: Positive Conflicts Blog

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by alexey05

Is it really worth it to argue in a relationship? Is argument something to embrace and not to avoid?

I’m sure you have had a situation where arguments quickly became a full blown, take no prisoners conflicts. We all have gone through this pain at a moment in our life. And most of the time we can still feel the pain today, long after we forgot why we stated it in the first place.

Why does conflict escalate?

Escalation occurs because hurt feelings take control of the interaction. It’s the moment where the accumulated  feelings of lack of recognition, abandonment, or simply being ignored by your partner come together. When this feelings start to show in arguments, both sides simultaneously change focus, and subject of the conflict is now being taken as medium to deliver the accumulated bad feelings.

If this type of conflict escalates, it becomes destructive.

To avoid further emotional injury let’s explore the levels of conflict:

• A problem to be solved:

In this stage, you try to resolve the issue that causes the problem.

Your language is clear, specific and related to here and now of problem.

Signs:

Both partners behavior is controlled and positive towards each other.

• A difference:

This is where you judge, criticize your partner’s behavior.

In this situations fears of being hurt comes in.

Signs:

Trying to control your own feelings, such anger and loneliness will restrict and block your (and your partner’s) willingness to listen

• Confrontation:

To use own power to influence or create changes in present situation.

To define the limits for self-preservation reasons.

Distorted prescriptive and evaluative language.

Signs:

Demeaning harmful remarks.

Irritability, anger and personal attacks.

Verbal Abuse and domestic violence threats.

• Fight or/and flight:

To remove Other from own life.

To punish Other.

To isolate Other from network of relatives and friends.

Signs:

Polar opposition in everything.

Confrontation reveals hidden past.

It may involve physical violence

• Deadly Combat:

There is no other alternative left, than to destroy Other.

The Other becomes the main identified enemy of your life.

Signs:

Unrestrained attacks against the Other, his friends, relatives and ideas.

Total alienation from Other.

In the heat of a conflict, this chaotic states will obstruct your capacity to achieve your goals. It diminishes your ability of thinking clearly. Because fighting with a very dear person means establishing limits between you and your loved one, this emotional chaos will open door to separation and loss.

On the positive side, if you are able to manage this conflict, and prevent it’s escalation it can make your relationship long lasting. The secret is to identify when arguments escalate and stop. Remember that the relationship is more important that the subject of the discussion. So it’s ok to ask for a break, do something else, and discuss the issue when both parties had some time to reflect on it.

Why Some Arguments Do More Harm Than Good? is a post from: Positive Conflicts Blog

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