by LunaDiRimmel

There are those people who had relationships with a great person who turned out to be different in the end. Some keep holding on to an image of the past and raised so many questions and find it hard to get through. In the end it’s always good to hear what other folks have to say about it and help you in recovering from hurt feelings.
One break-up causes hurt feelings and devastation. Healing is not an overnight process. Either to continue or end the suffering.

Men really make it easier to recover than women. Well, what happens to most women is that they spend much of their mental energy into their feelings, that is why.

It is not easy to let go of some things that we have come to love. It is painful to think that some good moments has to end. I think some good things just do not last and what we can do is to move on. It takes time to do this. It is necessary to grieve…Everybody has been there. But it is not the place you want to be for the rest of your life.

Here are some ways in recovering from hurt feelings :

Time heals all wounds. It is necessary to grieve as it is a part of the healing process.

-You must allow yourself to go through all the stages of grieving. whether you like it or not but you will see yourself in disbelief, depression, bargaining, resolve and anger.
- It is helpful to express anger. It is a positive force. Through this, you will be able to realize your self-worth and self-esteem.
- It helps if you go out with your friends. They can provide you with attention and love. Drink but not too much.
- The fastest way to recover is to find way to stop thinking about the other person. It will lead you to revenge and you might do this to other people or to your next relationship.
- It is important to forgive yourself and forgive the person who has hurt you. You deserve to be free and be healed. By doing so you will have a peace of mind and it will help you recover fast.
- Keep busy. The last thing you want to do is to stay in your room and recall all the memories youv’e had with your ex. It will just become even more painful.
- Avoid jumping into another relationship. This is not helpful. Things will just repeat all over again.
- Think of what were you before they came into your life and your goals as well. Move on and learn from your past.

All these can help you in recovering from hurt feelings. Just enjoy and live life to the fullest.

Easiest Ways to Recovering from Hurt Feelings is a post from: Positive Conflicts Blog

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by Le Nat

It is inevitable in a relationship to have ups and downs. Fights and arguments in a relationship makes it more exciting. But not all of these situations lead to a successful relationship. It can also destroy a solid foundation.

To have a better relationship, one must have relationship skills. First is to understand oneself. It is crucial to really know who we are and what we are capable of doing. This is a challenging task but one really has to solve whatever problem arises in his relationship. Knowing oneself, allows one to make good choices. This can also be a gradual process since it involves also bravery- to face oneself.

Identifying one’s feelings is another relationship skill. Emotions like anger, sadness, happiness can confuse you.You know that you’re feeling something. It is important to control your emotions or it will control you. Knowing how you’re feeling on a deeper level is important so you can stay with your feelings. This ability to “own” your thoughts and feelings will help you combat evil thoughts.

In addition, managing anger and conflict makes things easier. Problems get easly solved in a constructive way if it is expressed in a right amount. Problem-solving becomes easier if criticism is hadled very well.

Some relationships can be competitive rather than collaborative. Relationships are not meant that way. It will just create conflict and result to insecurities. Comparison in a relationship is not a good thing. This will always lead to a low self-esteem and self – worth. If this happens, the other person would feel less and can be destructive to his self.

One of the relationship skills that is important to learn is identifying and overcoming barriers to trust. Trust is important in a relationship. Some people do not understand its value. Trust disappears so easily in our lives. Trust gives strength to our relationships and gives us inner happiness. Life becomes brighter and brighter if we incorporate trust in our relationship. It also gives us a positive mentality and it is easier for us to handle situations. This works in some long distance relationships. With this virtue, there is a sense of deep bonding.

Communication is as important as trust. Responding and having the ability to understand another’s feelings and words will strengthen the relationship. Communication makes things easier to clarify.

Relationship Skills for True Happiness is a post from: Positive Conflicts Blog

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by alexey05

Is it really worth it to argue in a relationship? Is argument something to embrace and not to avoid?

I’m sure you have had a situation where arguments quickly became a full blown, take no prisoners conflicts. We all have gone through this pain at a moment in our life. And most of the time we can still feel the pain today, long after we forgot why we stated it in the first place.

Why does conflict escalate?

Escalation occurs because hurt feelings take control of the interaction. It’s the moment where the accumulated  feelings of lack of recognition, abandonment, or simply being ignored by your partner come together. When this feelings start to show in arguments, both sides simultaneously change focus, and subject of the conflict is now being taken as medium to deliver the accumulated bad feelings.

If this type of conflict escalates, it becomes destructive.

To avoid further emotional injury let’s explore the levels of conflict:

• A problem to be solved:

In this stage, you try to resolve the issue that causes the problem.

Your language is clear, specific and related to here and now of problem.

Signs:

Both partners behavior is controlled and positive towards each other.

• A difference:

This is where you judge, criticize your partner’s behavior.

In this situations fears of being hurt comes in.

Signs:

Trying to control your own feelings, such anger and loneliness will restrict and block your (and your partner’s) willingness to listen

• Confrontation:

To use own power to influence or create changes in present situation.

To define the limits for self-preservation reasons.

Distorted prescriptive and evaluative language.

Signs:

Demeaning harmful remarks.

Irritability, anger and personal attacks.

Verbal Abuse and domestic violence threats.

• Fight or/and flight:

To remove Other from own life.

To punish Other.

To isolate Other from network of relatives and friends.

Signs:

Polar opposition in everything.

Confrontation reveals hidden past.

It may involve physical violence

• Deadly Combat:

There is no other alternative left, than to destroy Other.

The Other becomes the main identified enemy of your life.

Signs:

Unrestrained attacks against the Other, his friends, relatives and ideas.

Total alienation from Other.

In the heat of a conflict, this chaotic states will obstruct your capacity to achieve your goals. It diminishes your ability of thinking clearly. Because fighting with a very dear person means establishing limits between you and your loved one, this emotional chaos will open door to separation and loss.

On the positive side, if you are able to manage this conflict, and prevent it’s escalation it can make your relationship long lasting. The secret is to identify when arguments escalate and stop. Remember that the relationship is more important that the subject of the discussion. So it’s ok to ask for a break, do something else, and discuss the issue when both parties had some time to reflect on it.

Why Some Arguments Do More Harm Than Good? is a post from: Positive Conflicts Blog

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by M.irwin

Do you sometimes feel trapped in a bad relationship for the longest time?

If you are emotionally abused for a long time, you can become convinced that you are worthless. If you have been staying in abusive situations, it is because you feel like you have nowhere else to go. Your ultimate fear is being alone and that is why you become submissive to your emotional abusive husband.

If you are in a relationship wherein emotional abuse happens everyday, the effects are dangerous and long lasting than any form of abuse because it can be frequent. Emotional abuse can be subtle, it makes you feel that you are the problem or it is your problem. The series of insults, threats and humiliation over time can really degrade your well-being. It makes you doubt your self-worth and erodes your personality.

Here are the negative effects of staying with an emotional abusive husband:

- Low self-esteem

- Emotional Stress

- Health Problems

- Depression

- Isolation

- Alcohol or drug use

- Loss of enthusiasm

- Self-Doubt

- Anxiety or fear of being crazy

- Escapism

- Psychological trauma

- Distrust of future relationships

The effects will always attack your very self-image and self-esteem because you have been subjected to constant criticisms and this will have a profound effect in your life.

Moreover, you may seem introverted, quiet, or may appear confident and extrovert, which is an act to fool the outside world so that you can hide the humiliation you are experiencing. You may have deliberately chosen not to seek help but decided to deal with it alone. But you will have a hard time understanding why these things are making you feel so bad if you try to deny it.

The recovery process is long and painful. In the end, you may decide to hurt yourself; it may influence your mentality. It may result to suicide when dealing with a long-term emotional abuse. You would become fearful and feel undeserving and unlovable. But the important step in your healing is to be able to identify the abuse as abuse. It means that you recognize that what happened to you was wrong and not your fault. Placing the blame to the abuser will help you recover from the effects of long-tem abuse.

No matter what you had been experiencing, think about how you would like to think about yourself so you can interrupt the flow of negative thoughts in your head. Be kind to yourself by hearing what you want, what you need to do and taking some action. The more you realize how you are worthy of love and respect, the less likely you will remind yourself of how you’ve been treated poorly. This will make you wiser the second time around. This will make you think that you do not deserve this kind of treatment from an emotional abusive husband ever again!

Is He an Emotional Abusive Husband? is a post from: Positive Conflicts Blog

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Photography done by Jamie (Summerfeild) Tuck ~~~OASIS Photography~~~ www.oasisphotos.com Assignment # 6 for KNTM Abuse

Sometimes an emotional abuser’s bahavior may be comfortable to you without being aware that it is destructive because you may not learned how to set your own standards and validate your feelings.

Abusers struggle with feelings of powerlessness and hurt like you do. They most likely to have been raised in an environment where there is emotional abuse and abusing you is a way to cope with their own anger and fear. The abuser feels that he is in control of you rather than dealing with his own behavior.

There is a cycle of abuse that occurs in a abusive situation:

1. Build-up of conflict or tension between the two of you

2. Release of emotions wherein abuse occurs

3. The abuser becomes sorry and makes promises not to repeat the abuse.

If this cycle happens all over again…

This time, you might want to take a good look at yourself and realize your self-worth.

Do you feel that it is better to get out of the relationship or remain in the relationship?

Start changing your life by making a choice that will help you start a new life that you deserve!

If you intend to stay in a relationship, you should stop the abuse that is done to you. You have all the power to make it stop!

How to stop the abuse:

- Acknowledging the problem

- Confrontation

- Insist your own boundaries

- Build your self-esteem

- Refusal to risk further abuse

- Demand rational actions

- Never show that you are afraid of the abuser

- Be vigilant and doubting

- Never give second chances

- Play on his fear of abandonment

- Do not respond to his flattering words nor his treats.

- Prepare back-up plans

Get an outside perspective to find out if you are making the right decisions. If things does not change in a month or two then you must get out of the relationship.

You have to satisfy your need of companionship, to be with someone who supports you and treat you the way you should be treated. If your partner fails to do that then I think you know that you are not in the right kind of a relationship.

Remember: You can stop the emotional abuse. You have the right to be happy and you deserve respect, dignity, and more happiness. The solution is in your hands.

How to Stop Emotional Abuse is a post from: Positive Conflicts Blog

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